Observing my children, myself, and all our relationships that I could observe, I noticed substantial differences in how each individual in this circle (mostly family but some friends as well) interacts and relates to every other individual in the group.
I could then say for sure that I was respected and that I respect them. I could tell for sure that they didn’t respect others which in conventional wisdom they should have unconditionally respected. There was nothing deliberate in the way my kids respected or not the people around them. But that allowed me to see a pattern. They respected people they admired in terms of attitude and intelligence. A whole raft of fundamental virtues characteristic of special people came then to light. Still from being in the thick of it came other revelations: being demanded to respect someone had no effect on them, on the contrary, they drifted the other way, losing whatever they might have had imposed upon them as children. Looking at them with fascination finally allowed me to get access to corners of my soul sealed off before that.
Yes I had an eureka moment. I understood that respect cannot be given away for free and to anybody. That is a sin. Still you can be civil to most. Respect has to be earned. If you want to be respected, then, earn your respect! You can only earn the respect of people you already admire. Demanding respect diminishes your human standing and makes you look a fool. Demanding respect, on whatever basis that may be, seems to guarantee the loss of respect. When respect is lost, be prepared for it to never return. Earning someone’s respect requires taking responsibility and putting in the necessary effort, because it can be hard work sometimes. Once you’ve earned, it is not guaranteed you’ll have it for ever. Respect has to be maintained and although a very powerful ally to your own self standing and self-esteem, respect maintenance is an expensive business. It is emotionally and behaviourally expensive. But hell it’s worth it. You can only respect people that want to be admired and respected by you. Respect can only manifest itself through reciprocity and with admiration as a necessary postulate.