I have longed for decency in our family relationships for a long time now. I put a lot of effort into it. I’m sure you know it and you don’t think I’m just a deluded egomaniac with masochistic tendencies.
Finally, the time has come for me to acknowledge that to carry on would lead to even more waste of my mental and affective energies. I prefer to redirect them to more constructive endeavours for myself and for the people I love and respect.
Optimism can be a great energiser but can also lead to great disappointment when misplaced. I certainly am guilty of this sin. I will repent gracefully and in a dignified manner. I assure you that I will not allow myself to be in a position in which I could, even inadvertently, create any sort of trouble from now on.
We all have to fight for our own little moments of happiness. That’s a fight worth having. No need to fight with the windmills which others are inventing for us every day. That’s a waste. Our own fight for the precious diamonds of life takes a lot of energy. Why waste this so precious material on uselessness? Why throw pearls to the pigs? Sometimes that’s needed indeed; we’re convinced it’s needed. Love compels us to doing it. Next thing we know, we get caught in the habit of it. And habits are hard to break.
But I can break my habits, I’ve done it before. First comes the revelation of past actions, the “eyes wide open” phenomena. Next is the admission to yourself, if you’re lucky to have achieved that all too elusive but most powerful and most secretive stage of consciousness which is called self-honesty. I am lucky enough to have achieved that. I’m wise enough to want to keep it and intelligent enough to be able to keep it. You may disagree and even smile reading this, but that’s ok. At least I don’t allow the spirit of gravity to take hold.
You’ve inspired me so much. You are the light of my life. I feel this more intense than ever. This feeling has already carried me beyond imagination. The Beyondimaginationland is a beautiful place to visit from time to time. Prepare for the journey. Dream of it first. Nurture your own curiosity. Never allow the plague, the silent poison, and the scabies of prejudice to grow. Shower often to make yourselves feel fresh and invigorated. Ah, and use a good soap and a good perfume. Then get going, saddle your imagination, ride on it. Ride hard and with conviction and go beyond imagination yourselves. Even if sometimes it’s scary, be brave, there nothing to lose. There is only one important thing that matters: your life. Never forget that fortune favours the brave but not the stupid and reckless.